All robots are disabled. I mean this in every possible sense. The anthropomorphic robot is always viewed through a deficit lens—a catalog of its failures to ascend from the uncanny valley. The assembly line robot is regarded with a precarious caution and skepticism—it is only noticed when it fails, becomes convalescent, a disruption to capitalist efficiency. Our relationship to robotic agents is constantly tensored by our desire that they transcend human limitations and our frustration that they remain inelegant and demand our vigilance and maintenance. Everywhere the robot is, the politics of disablement follow. Nowhere is this more evident than within the bodies of common cyborgs—disabled people whose ontology is mediated through the interface of organic matter and technology. Through case studies in human-robot relations (in the home, at work, and within the body), this piece explores how disability stigma informs our sociality with robotic agents and sustains exploitative social systems. I then deploy an alternative reading of these relations, informed by disabled cyborg scholarship and experiences, to propose cripped human-robot relations that prefigure liberation from the legacies of colonial, plantation, and carceral social relations.